Part 1. The day #lilbabychang arrived: Baby Diary 11

Thank you all for the well wishes. I have delivered #lilbabychang - Carissa Chang smoothly to this world on 22 August 2015. It was a 16 hours of labour. *Sweat* The whole process is still very surreal to us. Life is just so amazing. Can't believe we are parents now! And finally I have a chance to blog about the delivery process. So sorry that this post was delayed for so long!

20 August 2015
Today is my Dad's 11th death anniversary. Deep inside my heart, I was telling #lilbabychang not to come out on this day because I don't wish to be reminded of my dad's passing. Luckily she heard me. I went back to work after resting for two days. It was so hectic during work that I could barely breathe because there was a lot things to settle. Both Sharlene and I were having meetings back to back and it was really a busy and tiring day. On my way back home, I was feeling uncomfortable. I couldn't explain the feeling. It was just something "new". My heart was beating fast and I was panting very hard as I walked. For those who are unaware, I have been walking from my office to my mum's place most of the days. (Approximately 20 minutes of walking distance.) Luckily, I managed to reach my mum's place safely. 

As I was on leave the next day, I decided to head back to my own place. (I have been staying at my mum's place.) There were so many things in my mind that I wanted to do. I wanted to wash baby's mattress, towels and clothes. I wanted to reformat my god-damn-problematic laptop. I wanted to pack my clothes. I wanted to tidy up the baby room. In fact, I was eagerly looking forward to do all these stuffs alone the next day. Right after I reached my place, I had a "chit chat session" with #lilbabychang. It was mother and baby time! I have always loved talking to her to the point where Daddy Chang mistakenly thought I was talking to him. Hahaha. I guess only preggies will understand and only daddies will feel the frustration. For the past few days, we have been telling her to tahan until 23 August (which was going to be a Virgo. We wanted a Virgo baby.) and best if 28 August (which was my mum's preferred date) So during our conversation, this was what I have told her:

"Carissa, it is okay if you cannot tahan until "Virgo" or even till 28 August. If you wanna come out, just come out lor. Mummy doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable inside. And this will make me very uncomfortable too."

For the past few weeks, I have been feeling pain all over my body and having sleepless nights. There were times where I really hope I can give birth quickly to end this agony. Hahaha. I am serious. It was so frustrating. There were no ways to stop the pain. Well, it was just so strange. I guess she could really sensed or heard what I said? Before bed, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY! I started to get freaking emotional. It was like a roller coaster ride. I was laughing my ass off 5 minutes ago and 5 minutes later I started to tear. HAHA! Out of sudden, I was so afraid of being alone at home. But minutes ago, I was still eagerly sharing with Daddy Chang the stuffs that I will be doing the next day! Unpredictable right? I wanted Daddy Chang to accompany me and I told him that I am really afraid of being alone. And it was not the first time I am alone at home either. I guess Daddy Chang was puzzled. Then I started to break down like nobody business. He got a shock cause he said he had never seen me like this before. I couldn't remembered how many HOURS that I have cried. Eventually I just cried myself to sleep when Daddy Chang managed to apply urgent leave the next day. Super emotional right? FML!

21 August 2015
I planned to call for McDelivery but thinking that it was still early (7+ in the morning) and Daddy Chang was still sleeping. I went back to my bed to catch a small nap. But soon...I dozed off. FML. The next moment I woke up, it was already 11am! Wtf. There goes our McDonald Breakfast! Urgh!

I went to the toilet to pee. I was shocked to see blood! I googled before and I believed that it was the so-called as "Bloody Show" or "Mucus Plug". I stayed calm and shouted for Daddy Chang. "GOT BLOOD!" Daddy Chang thought I am pranking him again which I have been doing so. HAHAHA! So he came over and I SHOWED him the mucus plug. I was like "THIS IS BLOOD RIGHT? I DID NOT SEE WRONGLY HOR!" I think he was trying to stay calm. I was quite amused by his reaction. He was pacing up and down the room and murmured:

"Okay! Got blood! What did Dr Koh say? He said got blood means must go and find him first. Okay. Where is the hospital bag? Baby, let's go to Dr Koh's clinic NOW!

You know, I was still sitting on the toilet bowl with a just-woke-up-face. Teeth had not brushed, face had not washed, clothes had not even changed and he wanted to rush down to Dr Koh's clinic immediately! ROLL EYES. In the end, I calmed him down and reminded him that first child will usually take a longer time, as quoted by Dr Koh. Hahaha. I think I was more calm and steady lah. So he called Dr Koh's clinic for advise while I went for my last bath.

We headed to the clinic in the afternoon. You know, we really like Dr Koh. He is a humorous, knowledgeable and experienced gynae. We have absolutely full trust on him since he had delivered for my sister, sister-in-law and cousin. But the only problem that we have are the nurses, receptionists or assistants or whatever they call in his clinic. Long story cut short, they pissed us off badly. It was so ridiculous as one of them even questioned us if we were Dr Koh's patient! Yes. WTF?!

We were so nervous for the check-up and didn't know what to expect. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if I'm having contraction. There were times where I feel uncomfortable but the pain was just bearable. I guess that was contraction? I really don't know! Dr Koh checked for dilation. It was my first time. That feeling was errr... just imagine he stuffed his fingers in to measure. I was 3cm dilation at that time. I was asked to do Cardiotocography Scan (CTG) at level 2. Both my sister-in-law and I felt that level 2 seems like an illegal operation room. HAHAHA! *If you know what I mean*
I lied on the bed for 20 minutes. I was alone in the room. I was feeling scared. Dr Koh examined me again after the scan. He said that baby was doing fine and did not show much distress. He said that she should arrive either tonight or tomorrow morning depend on the dilation. Therefore, we were asked to go home to wait for the crucial 5 minutes interval contraction.

The waiting game has finally arrived.

We headed back to my mum's place (which was nearer to the hospital). Initially we thought of admitting at 12am but was afraid of the long wait. In the end, we headed to hospital at 3am because I felt that the pain was getting stronger. Honestly, I tried to count for the interval but I really have no idea how! HAHAHA! I did not know if the pain that I am experiencing was the so-called contraction. FML. I am such a loser. I was really afraid that I might have dilated a lot and not in time for epidural. So yeap, we admitted to the Mount Alvernia Hospital after we have dabao some buns at Swee Choon. (LOL!)

The waiting game was about to start. 

It was so quiet in the hospital. Daddy Chang had been asked to do the admission while I was brought to the delivery suite. The delivery suite was just like a normal single ward (slightly bigger) equipped with television, sofa and a huge toilet. The nurse took my weight and informed me to change attire. I was also given a pill to clear my bowels. After 5 minutes, I feel the urge to shit. And I swear: This is the smoothest and loudest "business" I have ever had! So paiseh! Hahahaha! Then I was on Cardiotocography Scan (CTG) to measure for contraction and also baby's heartbeat. Nurse checked for my dilation and I was still 3cm dilated. From afternoon till midnight, it remained at 3cm even though the contraction was getting frequent. I was forbidden to have ANYTHING including water. My last proper meal was on 21 August, 7pm. On and off, nurses would came in to check on my condition. Daddy Chang was lying on the sofa and always checking on me. I guess both of us did not have a wink the whole night.

The time passed super slow. And finally, it was dawn. At around 8am, Dr Koh came to check on me. When I first saw him, he really looked like some guardian angel. I was so relieved to see him. It was like some kind of assurance from him. HAHA! He checked for my dilation and I was at 4cm dilated. I was progressing so slow! So he suggested to burst my waterbag followed by putting on drip to hasten the dilation. He burst the waterbag within seconds. The pain was bearable. I felt a gush of hot fluid flowing down from my bottom. After that, the nurses helped me to put on drip and Dr Koh left to check on other patients. Gosh. I was even trembling when the nurse put on drip for me. Yes. I am that timid. I still remembered the first time I was being put on drip a few years ago. I cried like nobody business. It was so embarrassing and this time round, I told myself to stay strong.

After awhile, the nurses came to do some preparation for the epidural. I asked for epidural in my pre-admission letter. I heard a lot about epidural and the side effects. Some people encourage and some do not. For my case, I am really afraid of pain and I decided to take it. The anesthetist came in shortly to do a introduction and explained the procedure. Daddy Chang was asked to wait outside. I was getting nervous once again. I couldn't remembered what are the exact process but I was told to lie sideways. The injection took about 10 minutes. Many people described it as very painful. I was so tensed. The nurses were very encouraging and one of them even held my hand to give me encourage. They taught me to focus on my breathing. Breath in...INJECT... Breath out. DONE. Pain was really bearable. There was this kind of "sng-ness". Other than that, everything seems to be fine.

I was asked not to move that much because the tube was held intact at my back. You know, I really kiasi, I did not dare to move a single inch at all. After that, nurse came to insert the urine bag as I will not be able to hold or feel my bladder anymore. The lower part of my body was totally numb yet strangely I am able to move my legs.

The waiting game has started.
Honestly, we were mentally and physically tired. I felt so helpless with all the machines and needles on me. I was hungry. VERY HUNGRY. Yet I couldn't eat anything. Initially we thought we would be able to receive Carissa before noon but...I was still far away from the 10cm dilation. Daddy Chang couldn't eat anything seeing myself in this state. But I chase him to get his breakfast and lunch settled. I told him if I couldn't eat, he have to eat them for me. He would need energy to help me with the push. Hahaha. The whole morning and afternoon, we spent most of the time watching television. The time was just passing soooooo slowly and we were getting so impatient. I think if you were to ask him what he did in the delivery ward. His answer would be...seeing the graph from the Cardiotocography Scan (CTG). He got really excited when the graph was hitting very high. He kept asking me "How? Can you feel? The contraction is so high now!" ROLL EYES. And his next favourite thing to do is to...
 see how much I have urinated! *ROLL EYES*
At 12pm, I was 5cm dilated. I felt absolutely nothing when the nurse came to check for dilation. My lower body was so numb. That was the benefit of "Happidural"! I always hope she will tell me that I have hasten the process. But each time, different nurse who came in to check for my dilation will tell me "Too slow". One of the nurse even asked me "What happened, my dear? It was still so slow." It was really disheartening.

At 3pm, I was 6-7cm dilated. It was still progressing slowly that I have to top up for my epidural. Can you believe it? I felt so demoralized at that time. I was so hungry. My body ached so badly because I was at the same position since morning. I could only lied on the sides. I felt super duper helpless. I was tired yet I couldn't sleep at all. My eyes were always looking at the clock in front of me. I seriously thought if I would ended up emergency cesarean because of the long wait. Daddy Chang was helpless seeing me in this state. We were constantly talking to Carissa, hoping that she will come out soon. But I guess she did not hear us at all! ROLL EYES!

It was 5pm-6pm. I think the most demoralizing part was to hear newborn cries coming from other delivery suites at every 10 minute intervals and we were still freaking waiting for our turn. One cries after the other. We could even count the number of babies born. "Carissa ah Carissa! Are you ready to be out?" Each time Daddy Chang would hold my hand to comfort me: "Soon will be our turn!" Finally, Dr Koh came to check on my condition. We were so delighted when he told the nurse to prepare for delivery. YES LAH! We have been waiting for so long. From nervous to excited to despair and now back to nervous and excited again. I couldn't express my mixed feeling at that moment. I have no idea what will happen in the next few minutes...My family have been keeping in touch with us. They have been constantly giving me encouragement. Just a "Jiayou" voice message or text message made me tear. I was at the weakest point of my life and I was relieved that my families and friends were there to support throughout the process :')

And the push began...

The midwife was there with me before Dr Koh took over. For that one hour, she was teaching me how to push. I tried all ways trying to push YET she told me that I was pushing the wrong way. LIKE HOW! At that moment, I could not even feel anything. It was so hard for me to push. The midwife reduced the epidural so that I could feel a little pain. You know, it was like you are trying to gek sai but there is no sai for you. HOW TO PUSH?! The midwife was kinda discouraging. She said "You know, the mummy beside you who came in later than you, she pushed for a few times and her baby is out. You have been here for the whole day!" Wah lao eh. I was so affected lah. I don't know if she did that on purpose or not. After one hour trying to push, she called Dr Koh in to help me with the pushing. She even got the vacuum extractor prepared! I was so traumatized! I tried so hard to push yet nothing was out.

And the real push began...

Daddy Chang was beside me giving me encouragement. I think he was panic because I couldn't push Carissa out at all. Daddy Chang was really funny. When I was doing the push, he was beside me, shouting "PUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". And HELLO. It was right into my ear.After a few pushes, I couldn't take it. I stopped and I told him "Eh. can you don't shout PUSHHHHHH right beside my ear? I almost deaf!" We both had a good laugh. I know he was nervous. But the way he shouted would really affect my pushing! I think I will really get deaf if he continued. HAHAHA!

The next half an hour was the most crucial one. Another midwife came to help me. Dr Koh said that baby's position was not that right and he ADJUSTED FOR ME. I could literally feel that the head of the baby move. I have no idea if he inserted his hand in or what. But after a few hard pushes plus the help of two midwives pushing my tummy and the suction of the vacuum, Carissa has finally arrived! *CRIES* Dr Koh immediately "throw" her to me. I was too shocked. Carissa was crying so loud! Her body was purple in colour. Her head was pointed because of the vacuum. I cried hysterically and apologized to her for making her head like that. I couldn't control my cries. Daddy Chang was lost yet thrilled with tears! He was asked to shout thrice "我要当爸爸了" by Dr Koh before he cut her cord. Hahaha! Daddy Chang said that the feeling was like cutting hard 猪肠粉. WTF.

Honestly my eyes were all on Carissa after the delivery. I think the most amazing part was she stopped crying for a few seconds when I called out her name, she responded. Daddy Chang looked at me in amazed! She could actually recognized my voice! It was just so amazing. Hahaha! I was so engrossed looking at her that I have totally forgotten that Dr Koh was still doing the stitching for me. It was until a while then I realized he was still "down there" stitching. Like wtf. Apparently he had been talking to me yet I did not pay attention at all. HAHAHA! It was then I asked him if the wound was okay cause I felt that the stitching part took quite some times. He then told me that I had a third degree tear due to the wrong position of Carissa's head and her head was big. THIRD DEGREE TEAR! That was why I had a hard time pushing. WTF.

And here is our Baby Carissa. Not going to post all her pictures taken in the delivery ward - they were all very bloody and obscene. Hahaha. Carissa is almost 3.4kg and 51cm. (37 weeks 6 days!) She is quite a big baby. Doctor said that she has long legs and arms! Just like Mummy and Daddy! Imagine I were to give birth to her at full term... I did not dare to think so much!
I really thank all the 神(s) for this smooth delivery. Thank you for the pregnancy, thank you for the healthy baby girl. We were really glad that everything went rather smoothly despite of the 16 long hours of labour. But it was worth it.

Thank you those who have helped me along the way during my pregnancy. (You know who you are) I am really glad to have every one of you in my life. Thank you for the advice and support. LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Through this pregnancy, I have learnt a lot. I have learnt to be more independent. I have learnt to be more caring. I have learnt how 伟大 are all the mummies in this world.

Our parenthood has just began. This path isn't going to be easy but we will give all our best. So far, we have been adapting well. And thank you, Carissa for entering into our lives. Both Daddy and Mummy have nothing but we will try to give you everything you need. Love you so much!

With love
(Part 2 will be about the hospital day. Stay tuned!)

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